Testimonies

Exposing my testimony on the internet may be used against me in one form or another; namely, preventing managers from hiring me, having my words ripped out of context by those who are opposed to my beliefs or to me personally. In either case, God is sovereign over all things and I trust He will use my testimony for His glory. After all, “… we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

I would like to begin my testimony with “His purpose” in mind because I would not be saved if it had not been for God ordaining the means to draw me to Him (John 1:12-13; 2 Thess. 2:13-14; Rom. 8:28-30; Eph. 1:1-11). Without God’s miracle of regeneration upon my inherently sick and wicked heart (Jer. 17:9; Psalm 51:5; Eph. 2:1,3), I never would have come to Christ (John 6:44). I came to the Father because He decided to move, to teach me the things of God (John 6:45) after enabling me to understand spiritual things that can only be understood as a new creature (1 Cor. 2:14; 2 Cor. 5:17). In short, my conversion was the work of God, and His work alone.

Many have asked me questions along the lines of, “How did you find God and let Him save you?” I find questions as these to be unfortunate because it assumes that a human decision caused a spiritual birth when it is suppose to assume God’s initiation and power as the cause. The question should be flipped to, “What means did God use to graciously save you?” Now the question is accurate because it assumes God to be the author of salvation. Indeed, He is the author and finisher of salvation (Heb. 12:2). The cause of salvation, then, is of God whereas the sinner merely experiences the effects of God’s Spirit moving where He wishes (John 1:12-13; John 3:8). And while the sinner experiences the indwelling of God’s Spirit, he walks by faith (Hab. 2:4) in good works that God has prepared beforehand (Eph. 2:10) to which will never come to an end because “He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil. 1:6). I will now bear my testimony in light of the correct question, “What means did God use to graciously save you?”

My “boat began to rock” around the time I met a girl in high school who is now my fiancée. Her name is Sarah and, during the time we met, she was still affiliated with the Church of Christ (CoC) movement that she had been attending her whole life with her family. One thing led to another – we discovered how conflicting our worldviews of salvation were, which led me to re-think my own stance on some issues and my relationship with God. I soon become increasingly hungry for truth.

Part of my truth-seeking involved communication with various pastors, absorbing apologetics from the Internet and radio and putting my faith to test by openly proclaiming my beliefs to those with opposing beliefs. Within that time period of desperately searching for answers, God opened my eyes to discover that these events were preordained to bring me across the gospel.

Upon being faced with the gospel one particular day, I was utterly captivated by the grace of God that disarmed me of my hostility toward the God of the Bible. As Charles Spurgeon put it, ‎"A man is not saved against his will, but he is made willing by the operation of the Holy Ghost. A mighty grace which he does not wish to resist enters into the man, disarms him, makes a new creature of him, and he is saved."

My desire to follow Christ was the result of Him taking out my heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). At that point, I knew I did not deserve His grace, and that is the beauty of it. God had every right to leave me to my own devices that would have ultimately led me to eternal damnation where there is weeping and mashing of teeth. Thank God He was not fair to me. If He had done to me what I deserved, I’d be on my way to hell.

As I live by faith in this fallen world with this fallen flesh, I imperfectly, but surely, progress to conform to the image of Christ. I never will be perfect as God is perfect, but my eyes are looking upon the serpent lifted up in the wilderness, God in flesh (John 1:1,14). He is my Prophet, Priest, King, LORD and Savior. I can rejoice in the blessing that He had me in mind while He bore my sin in His body on the cross (1 Peter 2:24) and paid the penalty I deserve on my behalf. I cannot stress enough how regeneration preceded this faith by which I live. Without God choosing to enter into relationship with the wretch that I am, none of this would be possible. And, yet, all this is possible with God (Matt. 19:26).

God changed me inside out. It was an inward washing that required a change of heart before a change of mind could ever occur.

He saved me. He really saved me.

As I write, I am moved to great humility and gratitude before God, because He has delivered me from bondage to a cult. I spent nearly thirty years as a member of Jehovah's Witnesses (JW). I was a follower of men and I have to confess that it was my own immaturity and lack of biblical discernment that allowed me to be deceived. I had, prior to my involvement with the Witnesses, placed faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. But I was young and stupid, and worse, I was not diligent in the Word. So, when the Witnesses came along, the things they said seemed very reasonable and I accepted their teachings and practices as � what seemed to me at the time � the correct way to spend my life in service to God.

There are a few scriptures that have become very meaningful to me in the past few years, because I have been in a position to reevaluate my life and to really see where the Lord has been with me, worked with me and never abandoned me, no matter what happened, no matter where my path took me over the years, even if it was away from Him. He was always there to protect me, to guide me, and to carry me when he needed to. One of those scriptures is found in John 10: 27-29. It says there,

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.

As I look back, it is very evident to me that I was in the palm of His hand all along, that he kept me safe and ultimately made the way and drew me back to him.

On the day I was born, my mother � who was a Christian � died. I grew up with my father and his parents, in a home where there was little religious training, though I was taught to have respect for the Bible as God's Word. Heaven and hell were used as motivators for good behavior and fear played a big part in my perception of God. I had been to church perhaps three or four times by the age of twelve and never to the same church twice. Also, I didn't know who Jesus was till I was 11 or 12. We sang a song at Christmas about "the little Lord Jesus asleep in the hay," but I couldn't have told you anything about Him apart from His being a baby. By the age of 11, I was, for all practical purposes, an atheist.

Around age 12, however, my interest in spiritual things was sparked by an unlikely source. The assassination of President John F. Kennedy was fresh in the minds of Americans and I read a book about Jeane Dixon, who had supposedly predicted that event in advance. This book at least got me thinking that there might be something to the universe beyond the physical.

I later watched a program on television sponsored by the Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) church and as a result enrolled in one of their Bible correspondence courses. While I now regard the SDA church as having a number of aberrant teachings, the presentation of the Gospel of grace in that course was very orthodox. As a result of that study, I asked Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior. I attended that church for a time and even thought I might have a career as an SDA minister.

However, when I was 14, my house was visited by a very pleasant older lady who identified herself as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I actually began to argue with her about things I had learned from the SDA's, but found that her knowledge of the Bible was greater than mine. The following week, she introduced me to a young man who began a "Bible study" with me (actually a study in a Watchtower publication using the Bible as a reference). It took quite some time and a lot of arguing, but the Witnesses seemed to have an answer to every question. Eventually I accepted their beliefs as being correct, and life in their organization as the acceptable way to serve God.

The decision was a costly one. I was 17 at the time of my baptism as a JW and had just graduated high school. My father had finally remarried and because of my association with the JW's, I was not permitted to live with him and my new stepmother. Rather, I continued to live with my grandparents. I had to give up my high school sweetheart, since relationships with non-JW's were frowned upon. And attending college was strongly discouraged among Witnesses at that time. But the sacrifices seemed worth it, if it meant that I could spend my life in God's service.

My next goal was to become a "pioneer". Among Jehovah's Witnesses at that time, a pioneer was one who devoted 100 hours per month as a volunteer in the preaching and teaching work.[1] Pioneers are regarded as being specially blessed by Jehovah and the position carries considerable prestige in the congregation. With much effort, I was finally appointed a "regular" pioneer in 1972 and a ministerial servant (much like a deacon in a church) shortly thereafter.

However, 1973 brought a snag. I became involved in some inappropriate conduct and was given a "public reproof." This is an action taken by the JW organization against sinners who are deemed repentant for their actions. It is a lesser punishment than disfellowshipping, which involves being removed from the congregation and shunned completely by all members, even one's closest friends and family. Public reproof is less severe. It consisted, back then, of removal from all positions and "privileges"[2], along with having one's name announced before the congregation as having engaged in "conduct unbecoming a Christian."[3]

After this happened, I saw the other side of their love. Jehovah's Witnesses claim that one of the evidences that they are God's people is that they have "love among themselves" (John 13:35, NWT). After my reproof, however, the congregation became very cold toward me. Where I once had been very popular and felt that I had many friends, I now felt left out and avoided, even though there was no formal shunning being carried out. In retrospect, this may have been the first revelation that the JW's were not what they claimed to be.

Not very many JW's today are aware that it was strongly hinted by the leadership that Armageddon might come by 1975. Some of the leaders were specific in speeches, but Watchtower (WT) print articles were evasive, so it is hard today to pin down the false prophecy. JW's today try to minimize the enthusiasm that existed for Armageddon in 1975, but I was there and we all thought it was coming. A Witness at that time didn't dare to suggest that the chronology might be in error. The likely reaction would have been a cold stare, as if something vile had been said. I had personal friends who sold businesses or possessions and attempted to use the proceeds to live till Armageddon came. In one case a man who had been part owner of a rubbish removal company sold off his share to his partners and ended up driving a rubbish truck to make a living after 1975 passed without incident. An internal Watchtower publication, Kingdom Ministry, suggested in 1974 that it was a fine idea that some were selling their homes and businesses in order to do more in God's service � preaching and distributing WT literature from house to house � in the short time remaining. Obviously, nothing happened.

Some years later, I discovered that the JW organization had a long history of such false prophecies and this eventually became one of the major factors in my leaving. Some of the other factors were the lack of love in the congregations. In particular the elders, who should have been tender shepherds of the flock, were very harsh and judgmental. There was even a "spy system" of sorts, under which people were expected to inform on others for a variety of large and small infractions of JW rules.

I also had occasional questions about the teachings, but these did not become serious until later. As it turned out, a couple with whom I was conducting a "Bible study," trying to bring them into the JW fold, contacted some Christian ex-Witnesses who supplied them with a very difficult list of questions that I now felt obligated to attempt to answer. This process would probably have had me out of the organization within a few years, except that I was forced to put this exploration on the shelf for a while.

I was rather lonely as a young Jehovah's Witness and wanted a companion. I was introduced to a young Witness woman by mutual friends and we were married in 1978. In 1979, our daughter was born. I continued to study and question, but not at the previous rate because of the demands of married life and parenthood. I was also appointed as a ministerial servant again in a new congregation. At times, I expressed doubts to my wife, but she did not want to hear. The Watchtower teaches its followers not to listen to arguments or read any literature opposed to it and she was faithful to the organization in that way. As a result, my doubts continued to grow, but I suppressed them in the interest of family unity. However, my doubts about the organization were a growing source of conflicts over the years and eventually led to the dissolution of my marriage. On a few occasions, the elders got involved to try to "help" me with my doubts, but the bottom line was always to keep quiet about them or risk being disfellowshipped. One time, a visiting elder actually accused me of hiding some secret sin and trying to distract attention from it with my doubts about the organization. It was simply inconceivable to him that anyone could sincerely question the teachings of the Watchtower.

Eventually, it all caught up to me. The things I have mentioned, such as the lack of love in the organization, the endless rules and the history of false prophecy created enough cognitive dissonance that I had to admit � at least to myself � that Jehovah's Witnesses did not have the truth. To make matters worse, I had been studying the Bible at least to some degree apart from the "explanations" offered in the Watchtower publications and became convinced of the deity of Jesus Christ. This is a completely unacceptable position for a JW and I could have been disfellowshipped simply for holding that belief (compare John 9:22).

Once I was mentally free of the organization's teachings, I knew that my life could not proceed as it had. One day around 1995, I drove my car to a lonely mountainside and spoke with Jesus, telling Him that I wanted to serve Him with my life, but that I needed His help in bringing that about. It took a while, but He came through.

My marriage was a very turbulent one and my wife had always maintained that she would leave me if I ever left the organization. JW's consider "endangerment of spirituality" as a valid, scriptural ground for marital separation. Also, Witnesses have a virtually superstitious fear of the demonic and regard any material from another religion as potentially being a conduit for bringing the demons into one's life. My wife was unusually fearful in this area, even for a JW. As a result, my interest in other teachings and having non-Watchtower literature about the Bible created a great deal of conflict. Even apart from those pressures, the marriage was never a good one. In 2000, after 23 years of marriage, she moved out of the house and filed for divorce. For purposes of meeting the JW requirements for divorce, she actually admitted to sexual unfaithfulness she had committed a few years earlier.

Two weeks after my wife moved out of the house, I was at a conference at a retreat center on a mountainside in Pennsylvania called "Witnesses Now for Jesus." It is an annual event for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses who have become Christians and for those in ministry to the cults. It is extremely uplifting, a "mountain top" experience in more ways than one and has become an important event on my calendar every year since.

Just before Christmas of 2000 (the first Christmas I would celebrate in over 30 years), my father passed away. The mood in the family was somber, and I was invited to a family gathering at my cousin's home on New Years Day of 2001. My uncle brought a big box of old family pictures going back generations. One picture was of me with the high school sweetheart I had given up to become a JW. We were dressed up for my senior prom. I had seen her name on the web site, Classmates.com and I went home that night and sent her an e-mail. It turned out that she had been widowed a few years before. We met for dinner a few weeks later and ultimately ended up marrying in October of 2001.

Life outside the WT is not perfect, but it is infinitely better than being in a controlling cult and apart from Jesus Christ. Many people do not realize that a JW who leaves the organization risks losing everything � friends, family members who are JW's, employers, landlords, etc. They are instructed to center their lives around the organization, to avoid unnecessary contact with outsiders and to shun completely anyone who turns away from the group. Those who leave are often left with no one.

However, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful wife and the continuing love of my daughter, who is now an inactive JW, my Christian grandmother, as well as a couple who were among my closest friends in the organization and who are now also inactive JW's and who continue to be my friends. I have become a member of a small Baptist church here in New Jersey and teach the adult Sunday School. We spent an entire year of Sunday School exploring the doctrines of JW's and I have been asked from time to time to offer my testimony and teach about JW's at other churches.

Thinking back to that day at 13 years old or so when I gave my life to Jesus, I realize that He has been with me ever since. JW's in general don't have the relationship with Jesus that I always felt. I always knew that He was central � in the minds of most JW's, he's a minor character. But He was always there with me, by my side. I always felt His love, and I know He is the one who brought me to where I am now. I can truly appreciate the Apostle Paul's words at Romans 8:37-39:

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, [not even the Watchtower Society] will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Lord has shown me how true those words are. Praise God!

Notes: [1] The hour requirement has since dropped considerably lower. It is now 70 hours per month.

[2] This includes things such as answering in participatory meetings, leading congregational prayer, giving talks, etc.

[3] The procedures today are considerably different and public announcements are rarely made. In the early 1970's such announcements were common.